Tannaz Irani recently opened up about marriage, divorce, motherhood, guilt and healing relationships with children during a recent conversation. From talking about growing up in a progressive household to admitting she “could have handled things better” as a mother, the actress shared deeply personal moments from her life.
‘The women in my house owned their space’
Talking about growing up in the 1980s and becoming unapologetically herself, Tannaz revealed that confidence came naturally because of the women around her.“I don’t give a damn, I will be whoever I want to be. I was always healthy, but nobody ever made me feel fat or uncomfortable about myself,” she shared with Hauterrfly.Recalling her grandmother’s influence, the actress said, “My grandmother was a diva. She wore off-shoulder clothes, flower petal tops… the women in my house owned their space. The men never stopped them because the women kept them that way.”She also revealed that conversations around equality never really happened in her house because it was simply normalised while growing up.“My dad used to wake up every morning and make tea for my mother. He served her tea. He made our sandwiches too. Only when I entered the industry did I realise the outside world was very different,” she added.
‘I married a Muslim man who was 18 years older than me’
Tannaz also reflected on her first marriage and revealed that her family never opposed her decisions.“I got married to a Muslim man who was 18 years older than me. My family knew that Tannaz will always do what her heart wants,” she said.Opening up about why the marriage eventually ended, she admitted that age and emotional growth played a role.“When you’re 20, you’re growing so much as a woman. He was a great man and allowed me to find my own space, but I think I was looking for something else. I wanted to go out, party and do things, while he was much more mature,” she shared.The actress also admitted that she was emotionally immature at the time and perhaps did not fully understand herself.
‘Once you break that safety factor for a child, you’ve broken it’
During the conversation, Tannaz became emotional while speaking about how the separation affected her daughter.“I realised much later that maybe it wasn’t easy for my daughter at all. She was small and understood what was happening,” she said.Calling herself guilty as a mother, the actress added, “Once you break that safety factor for a child, especially as a mother, you’ve broken it. Your daughter’s biggest safety factor is her mother — and I broke that.”However, she clarified that she does not endlessly blame herself.“I think maybe I could have handled it better. If I had realised how badly this would affect people, I would never have done it that way,” she admitted.
‘Stop expecting validation from your child’
Tannaz also shared how she slowly rebuilt her relationship with her daughter over the years.“She went into a shell. That was her coping mechanism. A lot of mothers ask how long they should allow that silence. My answer is — let them have it. You broke their safe home, now give them space,” she said.The actress revealed that she repeatedly apologised to her daughter without expecting immediate forgiveness.“I started apologising constantly. I would tell her, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know any better.’ But don’t apologise expecting your child to instantly say, ‘It’s okay.’ That’s again making it about yourself,” she explained.She further stressed the importance of honest apologies and emotional accountability from parents.“Parents are not gods. They make mistakes too. Sitting like a deity waiting for your child to come back doesn’t work. You have to go to them,” she said.Tannaz Irani married theatre artist and performer Farid Currim at age 20. The marriage lasted eight years, during which they had a daughter named Zianne. They divorce in 1993. She later married actor Bakhtiyaar Irani in 2007, with whom she has two children – a son named Zeus and a daughter named Zara.
